Simple Steps to Improving Parent-Teen Communication

Simple Steps to Improving Parent-Teen Communication

It seems like one day everything just changed. Your sweet, talkative child suddenly turned into a rebellious, disrespectful teenager. You no longer have the late night discussions about what new club your daughter likes at school, or even which baseball player is at the top of your son’s list right now. Teen communication? More like utter silence with occasional spats of obnoxious yelling when they don’t get their way.

Below are some great tips to improve teen communication and develop a more positive relationship with your son or daughter.

Think freedom with responsibility

The ultimate desire of all teens is to have freedom. Obviously they are not old enough to do certain things and as a parent, it is your job to ensure their safety. They need structure and set rules, but not on everything. In order to grow and gain autonomy, teenagers need the ability to make mistakes. 

But as a parent, you can only control so much when your child reaches a certain age. Here is what you can control—you can set a good example of how to exercise freedom. Using alcohol as a scenario, “try to eliminate the sense that alcohol is needed to relax, to have fun, and to unwind.” If your teen has been drinking, it is possible that they learned the behavior as a form of escapism from you. 

Remain calm

It’s easy to get into a back and forth yelling match with your teen. They can also easily get under your skin causing you to not think clearly and rationally. When this happens, as long as the issue is not a matter of immediate well being, take time for both of you to calm down and then visit the issue later. To de-escalate an argument for example, “Instead of raising your voice, lower it, and speak more slowly.” If you respond calmly, they will also calm down.

Open your ears

Teenagers get talked to all day; their friends, teachers and family are all occupying their attention. Take the time to just listen, and let them talk. Don’t immediately jump to how you can solve the problem or letting them know what they did wrong. Sometimes, they just need to talk through what’s going on. Just listening while they rationalize also helps with developing their own problem-solving skills.

“If your son or daughter is willing to talk about his problems with you, then you need to listen keenly and without judgment, maintaining eye contact and acknowledging by responding where necessary. Teenagers feel more comfortable expressing themselves when they feel that what they have to say matters and that you are paying close attention.” – Martha Holden, Livestrong

Stay positive

Male or female, teens struggle daily with self-confidence. Be cautious of what you are saying and pointing out to your teen.

“Actively look for things your kids are doing right. Your praise shows you notice more than their faults.” – Annie Fox, Huffington Post

Increasing your teen’s self-esteem and letting them know you support them will help to build their trust in you. The more they can trust you on the little things, the greater chance they will begin to open up about bigger issues.

Improving teen communication is a long process

Is this easy? No. Will following these few things change everything overnight? No. But, the key to improved parent-teen communication is having a lot of patience and taking small steps in the right direction. Even if your teen refuses to admit it, you are still a vital part of their life and they do love you. For additional help, call blueFire Wilderness Therapy at (844) 413-1999.

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Kathy Rex

As long as I can remember the outdoors has been a place that fills my soul with happiness, clarity, peace, inspiration, and connections. Connecting with Mother Nature is powerful and never disappoints, even when hardships are a part of that process. Sitting peacefully in any outdoor setting witnessing even the slightest hint of survival (think of that lone flower that grows out of a rock in the middle of a desert) is my life source and reminds me how precious and our lives are, and how resilient we can be. Having shared experiences with others in the outdoors brings me such joy! My introduction to Wilderness Therapy came at a time when I, myself, was at a crossroads in life. Being witness to the reunification of children with their parents after being apart for several weeks was hands down the most miraculous thing I had ever witnessed. Weeks later, after packing my car with all my belongings, and my then 2 year old son, we ventured out to the deserts of southcentral Idaho to embark on a journey that I have never looked back from. The power and value of that parent-child connection has always been at the core of what has driven me in my home and in my work. My children and grandchildren are pretty remarkable too. What I learned early on, and continue to learn, is that change is hard…..and necessary. We have to be able to be honest with ourselves, listen to others, communicate effectively, and continually make decisions which are based on the best information available to us at the time. One cannot hide from themselves for long when they learn to sit still, observe, and then take action. Trust, Reliance, Vulnerability, Humility, Sacrifice, Acceptance, Confidence, Honesty, etc. The list goes on and on as far as what one is capable of experiencing in a wilderness setting. Since 1989 I have had many wonderful opportunities to be able to guide young people on their own journeys while enjoying the outdoors. Seeing the joy and eye-popping realization of one’s own value and capabilities is what drives me to stay involved in the work I do on a daily basis. Families embarking on this journey together is miraculous and inspiring. SouthCentral Idaho provides the perfect landscape for this amazing opportunity. Wilderness Therapy is my calling.

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